It is a matter of forgiveness...and what is that?

I have realized that nothing causes more turmoil than denying my own inner voice and choosing to not live by my truth.

If we have been disrespected, it in no way gives license to disrespect others. Nor does it negate the fact that our actions do affect others. However, as you will read below, one is responsible for themselves, their actions, their reactions, not the actions and/or reactions of others.

To forgive……You must have blamed.

Sometimes we must take a hard look at a concept called "forgiveness". Forgiveness as most of us have been taught is nothing but an illusion. One that is in place to keep us in a state of blame, judgment, and revenge. Most hang on to their judgments and hatreds. I have even heard others say - "I am a vengeful person and I like myself this way. For now I am OK with being vengeful…Until it hurts me." Well from a deeper perspective one can see that it hurts the whole way through. Most are also very good at blaming others for the shortcomings and problems of their own lives. When you think about this, it's insane. How can we blame others for OUR life?! Simple….its how we are taught, brought up, bred … whatever you want to call it.

Spirit does not forgive because it does not blame!

Life is a series of events that we ourselves have attracted and created. The universe is also a series of events. All of these events occur independently of our opinions about them. The stars are all in their proper places. Each snowflake that falls lands exactly where it is supposed to. The temperature and weather each day is exactly as it is supposed to be. The storms, the droughts, the floods, the flow of the rivers and the placement of the mountains, the orbit of the planets – all of it just is, perfect. The universe in all its glory, beauty and perfection is presented to us. There is nothing to forgive, because there is nothing to judge and no one to blame.

We create all that we need for our existence. When we know this, then we are in a position to know that we create all the frustration, anger, and hatred we have towards others as well. Even deeper….Are we in fact creating the others in our life for the purpose of having someone to blame?

Our need to forgive is a monumental misperception!

The belief that others should not have treated us the way they did is, of course, the ultimate absurdity! The ultimate expression of selfishness is to believe that the world should be the way we think it should be and that others should act as we think they should. The universe is always working exactly as it is supposed to, and so is everything in it even the things that we have judged to be wrong, improper, cruel, bad, and painful for us and others. Our desire to improve these things is also a part of this perfection. How can others not have treated us the way they did? Instead of being angry at the way we were treated, regardless of how horrible we have perceived it to be, we need to remember to view that treatment from the true perspective. They did what they knew how to do, given the conditions of their lives. The rest of the baggage we carry around with us is ours! We own it all ! If it is anger and judgment, then that is what we have elected to carry around with us and that is what we will have to give away to others!

I am sure some of you are saying…What? That is crazy. Is it?...I have been treated poorly, I have been wronged, I am a victim. He/she had no right to say or do that to me. I deserve to be treated better! I could go on and on and on. The truth is, how we react to others is what offers us peace or causes us pain. It has nothing to do with anyone but us. Let me rephrase that ... Our happiness is our responsibility, it has nothing to do with how others act, how they treat us, or the like. Furthermore, how we treat others has nothing to do with anyone but us as well. If someone is angry with us, hating us, casting out insults, doing all sorts of "perceived wrongs" to us, it is still our choice how we react to them and how they treat us.

An example. If you squeeze an orange what do you get out of it? Does it matter how you squeeze it? Does it matter what you use to squeeze it? Does it make a difference what the circumstances are that surround the squeezing of the orange? The truth is, when you squeeze an orange, no matter how, what, when, or where, you will always get orange juice. The same goes for us. If someone is angry with us and we react in anger it is because we harbor anger inside. If we have only love inside, we have only love to give away. No matter what, apple juice will never come out of an orange. And no matter what, if one is filled with love, understanding full responsibility for themselves, regardless of what is thrown their way, love is all they have to give in return.

If it is hate and judgment that we have elected to carry around with us, then it is hate and judgment that we will have to give away. You have literally given control of your life to those whom you have judged to have wronged you. It is really not about learning to forgive, but rather learning to correct the misperceptions that you have created with your own thoughts. Once you clear your thoughts you assume total responsibility for yourself, including how you are treated, and you will reach a point where the concept of forgiveness is no longer something that you even practice. Forgiveness will simply become part of your being, or rather you will realize that it has been part of your being, of your Spirit all along. You will have corrected all of your misperceptions and eliminated the three sources of your discontent: blame, judgment, and revenge, which create the need to forgive in the first place.

Once again….

To forgive….You must have blamed!

Now...that is a revelation for me...and one that has taken me on a long journey...partly fixating on what others did or others thought. The truth is...I don't really know...I can guess. And what does it matter in the end? The prison I created for myself certainly out ways the perceived wrong...they only did what they do...my reaction was to defend myself and blame them...and then have to find a way to "forgive". Really? Too much trouble to me...and not very productive for my happiness...So, I looked at the picture through another set of eyes...I stepped outside of my little prison...and discovered something...All the angst was focused on me...and for the first time I took a long deep breath and breathed it out.

No two interactions will ever be seen by people the same way. Misques, mistakes, and misunderstanding, all come with the distinct disadvantage of not really knowing what the persons real motive was...and besides, could that act be so important as to launch a thousand hours wrestling their demon? And how will that change the outcome? In truth, it doesn't.

Perhaps the key to dealing with it all...is just to view it as a movie...some parts are good...some dialogue real...ans some endings...well, just end unhappily...or does it?

What I guess I am saying is...As difficult as it seems, you can be sure of this: At the core of the heart, you have the power to move beyond the old issues that are still hindering your freedom. The hardest things—the ones that push you up against your limits—are the very things you need to address to make a quantum leap into a fresh inner and outer life.

In the long run, it's not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You're not forgiving them for their sake. You're doing it for yourself. For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. It frees you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don't let these people live rent free in your head. If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it year after year in your mind? It's not worth it but it takes heart effort to stop it. You can muster that heart power to forgive them as a way of looking out for yourself. It's one thing you can be totally selfish about.

The incoherence that results from holding on to resentments and unforgiving attitudes keeps you from being aligned with your true self. It can block you from your next level of quality life experience. Metaphorically, it's the curtain standing between the room you're living in now and a new room, much larger and full of beautiful objects. The act of forgiveness removes the curtain. Clearing up your old accounts can free up so much energy that you jump right into a whole new house. Forgiving releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer.

Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

Israel Zangwill said...it best

The Past: Our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as appeal in its glamour. The past is for inspiration, not imitation, for continuation, not repetition.

Well you know I like that...and for what it is worth...I like not making a prison of my feelings...I rather like the idea...of simply saying...it is what it is...and that in some other universe...or quantum observation...I may have been the offender...or maybe I was...wouldn't that be something?



Sometimes...it is just that easy...now why the heck does it take so long to figure it out? I know...but I am not telling...

Love,
The Lass

Now get some sleep...a new day is dawning...and I like to think it will bring with it much love and joy...if not...it will not be me stopping it.

Oh...one more thing, to forgive does not mean to continue to engage in the same behavior that attracted the thing that caused the grief to beging with...that would certainly mean that someone...is not thinking...