just a matter of trust...

Well if we all could have a crystal ball and simply peer into this ball...to find the answers to all the unanswered questions...would be nice. But, I think we would find this an empty endeavor...because there are lessons to be learned about ourselves...when it comes to trust. How so? Well...read on!!!

Over my life I have never really had trust issues...that being said...I should have had more trust in myself. In other words...trust lies within...our own barometer for how we interact.

My deepest trust issues came with Internet interaction. Why? Well there are many reasons...but the most important comes from the fact I am a visual person. I guess I require more senses...to sense things. Eye contact, body movement and other clues. The Internet does not provide that. However, there is something else...and that is the clues that we dismiss...or the clues we over emphasize...but in the end...we are the final architects of our trust building...and learning.

For the most part,I would say...how I interact on the Internet, is generally who I am...with some exceptions. If I think that I am being "lead"...I may be less than candid...but I suppose that comes from the unknown variables...especially if I don't know the motivation of the fingers typing on the other end. However, that does not mean that I am not willing to suspend judgement...it just means...I remain unsure.

Here are some things to think about when you question your own judgement as I have done.

It would seem when you learn to trust yourself and your ability to make smart decisions, you feel confident, self-sufficient, and empowered. You are no longer anxious when facing critical decisions and can stop doubting and second-guessing the decisions you have already made. Here are the essential steps for learning to trust yourself.

1. Accept that there is no one right answer
For any problem or question there are as many answers as there are people in the world. Therefore, it is important to let go of the notion that there is one right answer that you must somehow find. Each of us experiences the world in our own way and makes judgments based on our own unique perceptions, experiences, assumptions, frameworks, filters, and processing ability. The best you can hope for is to find YOUR right answer.

2. Recognize that you will never have 100% of the information you would like to have to make your decision
Each time you have to make a decision, you need data/facts/information. But there is so much information - how do you find it all? The bottom line is that you will not be able to find and process ALL of the information relevant to any decision you need to make. So the real question becomes, "How much information is enough?"

People differ widely in how comfortable they are with expressing information they are not "sure" of. In the ultimate sense, we are never really "sure" of anything. Therefore, only you can make the judgment as to when you are comfortable putting forth something as "fact". Some people feel comfortable making decisions when they believe they have 70% of the information; some want to believe they have at least 95%. What is your level of comfort? The higher the percentage, the more time your decision will take and the more likely you are to be overtaken by events - that is, things will happen in spite of you because you are not reacting quickly enough. Each time you face a new decision, consciously consider your comfort requirements AND your time constraints for making the decision. These factors will help you answer the question "How much is enough?"

3. Try on a new framework: you don't need to HAVE all the answers, you just need to be able to FIND the answers
Many people feel anxious when faced with having to make a decision because they believe, "I should know the answer." In addition, they feel sure that, "Everyone else already knows the answer." You take a step toward empowerment if you are willing to accept a new framework: "The answers are out there somewhere, and I can find them. I don't need to have all the answers. I just need to learn the tools and the skills to find them." Of all the skills you will need to find the answers, communication skills are the most critical.

4. Learn to communicate clearly
To make good decisions you need clear and accurate information. To get good information, you need to learn great communication skills so that you can:

* Clearly ask for the information you need
* Hear and understand the information others give you
* Articulate your final decision in a way others can hear, understand, and respond to

5. Learn how to use the inputs of others wisely
Most of us seek the inputs of others when we are facing an important decision. Collaboration with others can help you develop good decision-making skills or hurt you, depending on how you go about it.

When faced with a decision, many people will call up several of their friends and family members, solicit opinions from each, count the "votes" pro and con, and go with the majority opinion. If you use this process, you are not truly learning to synthesize various sources of information and arrive at your own conclusions - you are simply learning to be a scorekeeper.

On the other hand, there is an advantage to be gained by seeking the advice of others. As a single individual you see things from your own perspective, constrained by your own blind spots, worldview, and experiences. Since you can't see or know everything by yourself, you can see more clearly by using the eyes, ears and minds of many people. By partnering with other people who each bring their own unique perspective, what emerges is a combined intellect and an ability to see things from a new and different perspective. The collective wisdom of the group opens your mind to new possibilities. Creativity, inspiration and solutions come from many minds working together.

The trick is to use the inputs and opinions of others as additional "facts" to be considered in your decision, not as final answers in themselves or votes that you add up to make your decision.

6. Lean to accept responsibility for you decisions
Making your own decisions and accepting full responsibility for them and their consequences can make you feel frightened, empowered, joyful, or any of a number of other powerful emotions. However, one thing is for sure. You can never fine-tune your decision-making skills if you don't accept this responsibility. You need to experience both the process of making the decision and the process of directly experiencing the results of your decision so that you can learn the relationship between the two. If you deny your part in the decision or blame others for the decision, the only experience you get is one of observing the results of someone else's decision. If you try to escape or hide from the consequences of your decision, again you miss the key experience of getting the feedback you need so that you can make better, smarter decisions in the future.

7. Learn to trust your intuition and your body
We often think that making decisions is strictly a mental process. But we also have access to other sources of personal wisdom though our intuition and the reactions of our bodies. Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone who made the hair on the back of your neck stand on end? Learn to tune into your intuition and your body reactions. You want to make sure your decisions "feel right" as well as sound right.

8. Keep your filters updated
None of us can make decisions independent of who we are, our beliefs, assumptions, frameworks, and personal worldview. All of these serve as filters that effect the quality of our decisions. However, we can work to make sure that these filters are current and up-to-date with who we are at the moment.

Frequently we operate from assumptions, beliefs, and frameworks that were appropriate for when we younger but no longer serve us well. Often we unconsciously take them on from our parents or other close friends and family members without questioning whether they are right for us. As an adult you have the power to re-examine and re-choose your underlying assumptions and beliefs and find new, more empowering, frameworks.

9. Trust the record
Once you have the experience of making and experiencing the results of many life decisions, then you begin to trust your own record. You begin to understand what factors result in your making a good decision and what factors cause you to make a poor decision. As a simple example, you may come to realize that you typically make poor decisions when you are tired or emotionally overwrought. With each new decision you have a new opportunity to observe the results, and to gain insight and feedback that will help you make a better decision the next time around.

10. Often it's OK to take the path of least resistance
We often fall into the trap of believing that good decisions are always difficult or complex. We surround ourselves with "shoulds" - "I should think this, I should do this." Sometimes just choosing the path or direction that is the most obvious or effortless is the right way to go.

11. Learn how to insulate yourself from the potential negative effects of your decisions
Before you make a decision, try to think through the possible consequences. What can go wrong? What is likely to happen if something does go wrong? When and how will I know if something is starting to go wrong? Identify potential pitfalls and be prepared with alternative plans and strategies.

It's Your Decision
Your decisions shape your world. Do you want to create your own world or live in a world defined and constructed by others? Who knows best what you want and need and what is right for you?

We are all works in progress...hopefully learning and growing along the way. I know I am. And in that respect...still learning about me...in connection with the world. One mis-step at a time...

And I trust one thing...that trust is something of a gift we give to ourselves...and to those we trust...



Trusting...

Love,
The Lass