sometimes...you simply must be quiet...

No matter how much we may want people in our lives...sometimes...we simply must stand in the shadows...encouraging the ones we love to find the peace in their lives. That is after all what love is...true love. Selfishly we may want more...but sometimes...we simply need to be there...walking along side...in silent whispers...letting those we love...know...simply they are loved.

So...now I rest...in quiet moments...whispering...you will be ok. And no matter how long it takes...no matter what your path...I will be here...

If something is meant to be...God will guide us...to the right path...and that is what we need...when the soul becomes restless...

I am sure of it.

Love,
The Lass

mathew and henry...

My young assistant Mathew came from Maine to stay for a little while. He journeyed to Alaska with Meagan...his young love. They landed in Anchorage...and as luck would have it...came into my life...

Mathew was an economics major...who would help me...with the mess at "the agency of doom". It was there that Matt...would make friends...and play soccer...and finally, after some time...and resistance...move back to Maine...to marry Meagan...and begin their lives...

Now enter Henry...whose little soul just had to come early...and he is struggling for life...his parents ever by his side...willing him to be strong...and you know...the little one will be just fine...count on it.

So...I am thinking of my friend Matt and his willful son...who just couldn't wait to get out and live...Matt...you are in for a ride...

This one is for you...



No love you will ever know...will be such as that for your son...you will experience his joy...and his pain...you will fight for his life to be better...and even when you are separated from him...you will never be apart...

Joy to you and Meagan...and Matt...you will be a good father...I believe I told you that before Henry invaded your lives...

Love,
The Lass

lang lang...and one of my favorite concertos

This is Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto No.1 (1/7...and it something I love to listen to...for there is a story there...



Although his work is of the most romantic nature...his conflict with his sexuality...gave rise to something else...and his secret life...would remain for him a source of anguish...he would die in strange circumstance...he would live in letters over 14 years with a woman who was his benefactor...and friend...they never met...but in his music...you can hear the voice of the man...and his world...

Sometimes the world sees only what the composer creates...then...there are those of us...who find the internal world of the composer...far more revealing.

Enjoy Lang Lang...one of my favorites.

Love,
The Lass

Phil, Ann...and bioneers...how these two amaze me

Phil my biologist friend, who married Ann last week...In Arizona...by the way...keeping me from the wedding...oh I digress...

Well Phil is a biologist...and what he likes to call...a Bioneer. What the heck is that? Well, Phil is a man with a vision...sustainability...And Phil being Phil...has a trip planned...with his lovely bride...(no Morocco that was for pleasure...) But Phil and Ann are going to travel for their passion...bioneering.

OK...family and friends...here is the wonderful world of Phil.

Bioneer (root: "biological pioneer") is a neologism coined by filmmaker, author and eco-activist Kenny Ausubel. It describes individuals and groups working in diverse disciplines who have crafted creative solutions to various environmental and socio-cultural problems rooted in shared core values, including whole systems, (anticipatory) thinking, a view of all life as interdependent, and sustainable mutual aid.

And there is more there, there...like my old home state of Alaska.

Since 2002, Bioneers has partnered with universities and communities around North America which host regional events featuring a satellite downlink of the Bioneers plenary sessions. Each community organizes an event to complement the plenaries, with workshops tailored to the needs of specific bioregions. The University of Alaska Anchorage was honored to be selected as one of the 15 satellite conference sites for 2004. Our first Bioneers in Alaska event attracted 300 people from 22 communities all over Alaska -- from Kotzebue to Haines, Nome to Eagle. Attendees included builders, small business owners, rural and urban community leaders, Native elders, planners, educators, students, scientists, homemakers, health care professionals, village environmental coordinators, energy specialists, organic food growers, conservationists, and many more.

Phil believes and he may be right that there is a movement afoot...that Phil wanted me to know about...and so he sent a link to Paul Hawkins...and so I looked...read...and found an element that resonated...



They are everywhere these Bioneers...Detroit...my birthplace...and they seem to keep bumping into me. What is up with that? But...to quote the lass..."there are no accidents...just chance encounters with fateful consequences"

So today I took a drive...and found myself listening to one of Phil's favorite spokesman for the cause of Bioneers...Paul Hawkins...and you know something...the man does have a voice...and he does have passion...and Phil...you are right...something is afoot...oh...and congrats on your wedding...(which I did not get to attend!!!!)...I am not bitter...just will nag you two about this the rest of your lives...or until I get tired of nagging...haha

Love,
The Lass

sex you said? Oh...that thing...

Well, here is the deal...and a big one. Sex in a relationship...is the thing that makes the difference between nothing and splendor...well it is. We are made for it...designed for it...and with the right partner in a loving relationship...well...that is what is...divine...making love...is making life....don't think so? Well read on...

Lust alone does not cut it...but when two people find themselves in love...then love is transformed into sexual energy...and that energy is something that can be part of the renewal of the love...constantly flowing...seeking...finding...renewing...and yes...enjoying...pleasing...

There is a myth out there that sex for Christians is wrong...wrong again.

"The Bible isn't shy at all about speaking to this crucial issue of sex. It is my prayer that God might use this study guide to enlighten, heal, and liberate you. Because if your sex life is going to be all that it should be, then you must seek to understand God's mind on the subject. God's will is always good, acceptable, and perfect. Let's trust God to show us the best and most bountiful way to experience His blessed gift of sex."-Kay Arthur

"the two shall become one flesh"?

It's so incredible, so awesome: Sex, by God's design, is becoming one flesh. When God made Adam and Eve distinctively male and female, He designed them anatomically so they could physically become one flesh in the act of sexual intercourse.

God formed us to know no greater ecstasy than when a man and a woman literally merge into one flesh. Hormones, nerves, sensory receptors, and other specific physical characteristics are all part of His divine design for our pleasure in the physical oneness of marriage.

An ecstasy beyond exquisite.

A oneness washing over you, a wave of passion carrying you weightless to a sea of delight.

Passion that loses consciousness of anything else. Exhaustion that leaves you spent, drained of tension, and filled with satisfaction, total satisfaction.

Sex has a beauty all its own and-wonder of wonders!-God invented it.

You do realize, don't you, that God didn't have to make sex so pleasurable! He could have designed it to be very mechanical, much like the instructions on the Drano can: To make a baby, first do this, then that, and follow with this. Be careful of such and such. Nine months later you should produce a child; if not, repeat entire process again until successful.

No feelings, no passion, no exhilaration-just mechanics.

Never! That's so far from what God intended in creating sex. Sex is not meant to be mechanical; it's meant to be passionate. Sex, in its perfect form, brings the intimacy of not only truly belonging to another but longing for the presence of our beloved. In its hallowed purity, the union of a husband and wife becomes a holy metaphor of the wife God seeks for His Son, of the oneness He longs to have with His chosen people Israel.

I often speak of covenants of good faith and fair dealing...but there is a covenant between two people that defines it all...

A covenant is a solemn, binding agreement between two parties-one lesser and one greater, or both of equal status-who commit themselves to each other under certain conditions. A covenant once made is never to be broken. In a covenant relationship, two become one; they no longer live independently. They are now bound to protect and defend one another, share everything in common, be there for the other until death. So solemn is this arrangement that God becomes the sovereign administrator of every covenant, watching to make certain its conditions are fulfilled.

The Book of books, the Bible, opens with a wedding and a home in a garden, then it closes with a wedding and the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.

And what do we find in the middle of this Book of books? We find the greatest of all the love songs ever written: the Song of Solomon. A song that from beginning to end extols the beauty of sex according to God. A story of unquenchable, priceless love, a love that so satisfies our deepest longings that we turn to no other, for we know, "I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine, … and his desire is for me" (6:3; 7:10). A book that does not mention God-and doesn't need to, for it is the very expression of all God intended when He made us male and female and brought woman to man. A book that cautions us not to arouse or awaken love until it pleases, lest we mar its intended beauty and unique intimacy.

So...is sex to give us life...and touch...and arouse all that is in us...to complete the love we have for each other? Yes...indeed. You see in the end...women don't mother men...they love...they make love to the men they love...and that is the only way to expressing that most powerful drive in us...to express it.

How the couple explores their sexuality is between them...but express it they will...are there taboos? well...that is between them...and they will find what pleases both of them..

In the end...there is nothing unhealthier to me...than repressed, cold..non passionate love...it is the slow death...

oh...and one more thought...it is something that needs be said...arousing this in each other is a good thing...in a loving relationship...arousing it by words or play...is part of the mix...play...is part of it...and loving play...well flirt with your divine complement...and you will see...the fireworks...and something more...a flame...but one that continues to burn with each encounter...

Now...worshiping with lips...a thousand ways...to find pleasure...and a lifetime to do it...does it get better than that? Think about it...then let me know...

the greatest sex scene of all time??? haha



Well to some...haha

But for me...it is a scene I created myself...with my intimate soul mate...

love,
the lass

a song ....that still haunts me....

It was not so very long ago...I received a song from a person...who sent it...not knowing of course how this chorus...would stay with me. Partly because of the source...partly because it is simply haunting...



I played chess with the stranger...and he shared this song...he said, "this is me." Well, I am sure it is...

humming...

Love,
The Lass

a rod...a reel...a father and a daughter

There are moments that are captured for a lifetimes of remembering. Sometimes there is a witness to just such a moment...

you say it best...when you say nothing all

Sometimes you just must listen with your heart...and you will hear...



because you say it best when you say nothing at all...


Love,
The Lass

sometimes...it is in the eyes...and what we see....

It is in her eyes...



It is all that he needs to know...in her eyes...she sees him...as no other can...

And he sees that...oh. if we could see each other...we would see it...

Love,
The Lass

he has risen!!!!

Good day everyone...and it is a good day to be alive...He has risen....



a jubilant celebration...and I love this hymn



This is the story...of all stories..

just a matter of trust...

Well if we all could have a crystal ball and simply peer into this ball...to find the answers to all the unanswered questions...would be nice. But, I think we would find this an empty endeavor...because there are lessons to be learned about ourselves...when it comes to trust. How so? Well...read on!!!

Over my life I have never really had trust issues...that being said...I should have had more trust in myself. In other words...trust lies within...our own barometer for how we interact.

My deepest trust issues came with Internet interaction. Why? Well there are many reasons...but the most important comes from the fact I am a visual person. I guess I require more senses...to sense things. Eye contact, body movement and other clues. The Internet does not provide that. However, there is something else...and that is the clues that we dismiss...or the clues we over emphasize...but in the end...we are the final architects of our trust building...and learning.

For the most part,I would say...how I interact on the Internet, is generally who I am...with some exceptions. If I think that I am being "lead"...I may be less than candid...but I suppose that comes from the unknown variables...especially if I don't know the motivation of the fingers typing on the other end. However, that does not mean that I am not willing to suspend judgement...it just means...I remain unsure.

Here are some things to think about when you question your own judgement as I have done.

It would seem when you learn to trust yourself and your ability to make smart decisions, you feel confident, self-sufficient, and empowered. You are no longer anxious when facing critical decisions and can stop doubting and second-guessing the decisions you have already made. Here are the essential steps for learning to trust yourself.

1. Accept that there is no one right answer
For any problem or question there are as many answers as there are people in the world. Therefore, it is important to let go of the notion that there is one right answer that you must somehow find. Each of us experiences the world in our own way and makes judgments based on our own unique perceptions, experiences, assumptions, frameworks, filters, and processing ability. The best you can hope for is to find YOUR right answer.

2. Recognize that you will never have 100% of the information you would like to have to make your decision
Each time you have to make a decision, you need data/facts/information. But there is so much information - how do you find it all? The bottom line is that you will not be able to find and process ALL of the information relevant to any decision you need to make. So the real question becomes, "How much information is enough?"

People differ widely in how comfortable they are with expressing information they are not "sure" of. In the ultimate sense, we are never really "sure" of anything. Therefore, only you can make the judgment as to when you are comfortable putting forth something as "fact". Some people feel comfortable making decisions when they believe they have 70% of the information; some want to believe they have at least 95%. What is your level of comfort? The higher the percentage, the more time your decision will take and the more likely you are to be overtaken by events - that is, things will happen in spite of you because you are not reacting quickly enough. Each time you face a new decision, consciously consider your comfort requirements AND your time constraints for making the decision. These factors will help you answer the question "How much is enough?"

3. Try on a new framework: you don't need to HAVE all the answers, you just need to be able to FIND the answers
Many people feel anxious when faced with having to make a decision because they believe, "I should know the answer." In addition, they feel sure that, "Everyone else already knows the answer." You take a step toward empowerment if you are willing to accept a new framework: "The answers are out there somewhere, and I can find them. I don't need to have all the answers. I just need to learn the tools and the skills to find them." Of all the skills you will need to find the answers, communication skills are the most critical.

4. Learn to communicate clearly
To make good decisions you need clear and accurate information. To get good information, you need to learn great communication skills so that you can:

* Clearly ask for the information you need
* Hear and understand the information others give you
* Articulate your final decision in a way others can hear, understand, and respond to

5. Learn how to use the inputs of others wisely
Most of us seek the inputs of others when we are facing an important decision. Collaboration with others can help you develop good decision-making skills or hurt you, depending on how you go about it.

When faced with a decision, many people will call up several of their friends and family members, solicit opinions from each, count the "votes" pro and con, and go with the majority opinion. If you use this process, you are not truly learning to synthesize various sources of information and arrive at your own conclusions - you are simply learning to be a scorekeeper.

On the other hand, there is an advantage to be gained by seeking the advice of others. As a single individual you see things from your own perspective, constrained by your own blind spots, worldview, and experiences. Since you can't see or know everything by yourself, you can see more clearly by using the eyes, ears and minds of many people. By partnering with other people who each bring their own unique perspective, what emerges is a combined intellect and an ability to see things from a new and different perspective. The collective wisdom of the group opens your mind to new possibilities. Creativity, inspiration and solutions come from many minds working together.

The trick is to use the inputs and opinions of others as additional "facts" to be considered in your decision, not as final answers in themselves or votes that you add up to make your decision.

6. Lean to accept responsibility for you decisions
Making your own decisions and accepting full responsibility for them and their consequences can make you feel frightened, empowered, joyful, or any of a number of other powerful emotions. However, one thing is for sure. You can never fine-tune your decision-making skills if you don't accept this responsibility. You need to experience both the process of making the decision and the process of directly experiencing the results of your decision so that you can learn the relationship between the two. If you deny your part in the decision or blame others for the decision, the only experience you get is one of observing the results of someone else's decision. If you try to escape or hide from the consequences of your decision, again you miss the key experience of getting the feedback you need so that you can make better, smarter decisions in the future.

7. Learn to trust your intuition and your body
We often think that making decisions is strictly a mental process. But we also have access to other sources of personal wisdom though our intuition and the reactions of our bodies. Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone who made the hair on the back of your neck stand on end? Learn to tune into your intuition and your body reactions. You want to make sure your decisions "feel right" as well as sound right.

8. Keep your filters updated
None of us can make decisions independent of who we are, our beliefs, assumptions, frameworks, and personal worldview. All of these serve as filters that effect the quality of our decisions. However, we can work to make sure that these filters are current and up-to-date with who we are at the moment.

Frequently we operate from assumptions, beliefs, and frameworks that were appropriate for when we younger but no longer serve us well. Often we unconsciously take them on from our parents or other close friends and family members without questioning whether they are right for us. As an adult you have the power to re-examine and re-choose your underlying assumptions and beliefs and find new, more empowering, frameworks.

9. Trust the record
Once you have the experience of making and experiencing the results of many life decisions, then you begin to trust your own record. You begin to understand what factors result in your making a good decision and what factors cause you to make a poor decision. As a simple example, you may come to realize that you typically make poor decisions when you are tired or emotionally overwrought. With each new decision you have a new opportunity to observe the results, and to gain insight and feedback that will help you make a better decision the next time around.

10. Often it's OK to take the path of least resistance
We often fall into the trap of believing that good decisions are always difficult or complex. We surround ourselves with "shoulds" - "I should think this, I should do this." Sometimes just choosing the path or direction that is the most obvious or effortless is the right way to go.

11. Learn how to insulate yourself from the potential negative effects of your decisions
Before you make a decision, try to think through the possible consequences. What can go wrong? What is likely to happen if something does go wrong? When and how will I know if something is starting to go wrong? Identify potential pitfalls and be prepared with alternative plans and strategies.

It's Your Decision
Your decisions shape your world. Do you want to create your own world or live in a world defined and constructed by others? Who knows best what you want and need and what is right for you?

We are all works in progress...hopefully learning and growing along the way. I know I am. And in that respect...still learning about me...in connection with the world. One mis-step at a time...

And I trust one thing...that trust is something of a gift we give to ourselves...and to those we trust...



Trusting...

Love,
The Lass

purchasing a new car...I think I am going to be sick

Sometimes even independent, persnickety people simply need to let others help them. I am one...You know I have traveled this planet alone for quite awhile...and feel fairly competent to handle almost anything...I say almost because it is almost anything that I can do...however...when it comes to purchasing a car...well..that is something I simply don't do well. Especially when I have to. So...in walks my new friend Justin, and he is going to help me...for a price of course...haha.

So here is the question. How can a person who navigates most things in life fairly well, have this car problem. El Cid is a good negotiator. But not me...so although she has handed down many a fine characteristic...this is not one. What is up with that?

I think it is because I have no desire to really own the thing. I love to drive...I love the ease and comfort of having a vehicle...I was born in Detroit, Michigan...which should make it genetic...but...somehow, the whole thing makes me a little squeamish.

So, I actually asked Justin for help. Me...yes mom...I said I asked for help. I don't know why...but that one is difficult. I think it is...because, I think I must do everything for myself. However, admitting to our shortcomings...is after all a wise thing..so, never too old to try something new...

Justin and his lovely lady Adriana will help me look at a car tomorrow. Now...that may not mean I will get one...but I need to do this quickly. Time is now critical.

So...here is what I did. I looked up purchasing tips. Yes of course I did...and boy was it an education. They should require this in School.

NOW...ABOUT THE PRICE I AM PAYING FOR ASSISTANCE...lunch ON ME..maybe I am a better negotiator than I thought!!!



Did you understand this? hmmmm



Now I did understand this...but I speak Ausie...(I think that was what she was speaking)

well...let us hope this doesn't happen to me...



Yikes....

Love,
The Lass

oh...and see you tomorrow Justin and Adriana...just in case you read this...you guys are great...did I tell you that?

Pascha

Well that might mean nothing to you...but it means Easter to me...which has nothing to do with Easter baskets...bunnies...or chocolate (although that is nice).

No...this is about...



and this...



Everything in the universe is connected to God's love and understanding.

What does this day Easter mean to me?

Why this...



Oh...and I found this to be interesting...

What would the SUN say about Jesus?



So to all of those I hold dear...and to those that think of me as a royal pain...(which I believe includes the ones I hold dear)...Happiest of days...

And there is this...as El Cid would say...bring on the rain...(and His answer...was... okay...how about a little flood?)



Happy Easter all...

Love,
The Lass

accidents and lifes little bumps

Yesterday I was driving to work...and suddenly there was a huge thud...my car and me with it forced forward...and that was that. Someone had hit my vehicle full force...and it was forceful.

My little car now broken...the frame collapsed and what was my means of transportation was now gone...not drivable.

So now what? Well that is the question...I do have insurance...however the car wasn't worth anything. I will not be able to replace it...and certainly won't be able to afford a new car. Life just became a little more complicated...and that is an understatement.

We all have our moments don't we? I seem to move forward then two steps back. I just spent 500.00 repairing said vehicle...now I won't even have that...My gosh what a mess.

But, here is the thing...irony. Earlier today I was speaking to El Cid about my life and seeking her wise counsel...What does God really want with me? What is it that I am suppose to do?

El Cid in her usual fashion said one thing...Ask God to give you some direction...to help you with this...So I did. As I was driving along...I said a little prayer..."Please God, let me know what it is I am to do with my life. What is the plan here?" Then thud...

I am not quite sure that was the answer I was looking for. However, me being me...figured that maybe it is the only answer one can get by just asking...

So...what will this mean? Inconvenience no doubt...and that is something I am sure will just be a little difficult. But...in truth, I am certain that it will mean one thing....God...is not finished with me yet.

Love,
The Lass

car less in Seattle

saint or social worker?

There are people who lead two lives...well that would be most of us. There is the exterior self...that the world sees and judges, then there is the interior self, that is where we really reside. Sometimes...even our icons...lead two lives...Like Mother Teresa.

Those people who have gravitated to her over the years, like to bring up her name and sometimes even associate with others, like Lady Di...which on the face of it seems absurd to me...but here lies the question...for Catholics...is she a saint? or a good social worker?

The difficulty in viewing people like Mother Teresa is we know her through so many different lenses...the one she used for herself I believe to be the most accurate...what others think...is no where near what we know of ourselves.

As a Catholic nun, Mother Teresa was given to have confessors, who she would confide her most dark thoughts...and doubts, and they were many. Her wishes were to have all of the confessions and letters destroyed upon her death...however, that did not happen...why? Because the Church deemed to have her beatified as a saint...and so...her other self has now been revealed...and the question for the Church is clear...Saint? or Social Worker?

I am not going to say that she was either...you see...she was a woman who struggled with all of the complexities and loneliness that a person could. She was human...frail and like all people who stand in the dark...trying to light the way, she suffered. It is easy to use her name...as if to say...you believe in what she stood for...but to understand what she suffered and how she suffered you would have to have lived her suffering.

Did she have doubts and questions...some..and at times...she also had surety...but who she was is complex and those who want to understand that relative to the Church, need to remember another saints confessions...

It is a brotherly mind that I wish for... a mind which is glad for me when it sees good, sorry for me when it sees bad, because whether it sees good or bad, it loves me. It is to good people I shall show myself, hoping that in my good they will be glad, and in my evil, be sad. And I pray that you, Lord ...may have mercy upon me according to Thy great mercy for thine own namesake, and, in no way forsaking what you have begun, perfect my imperfections. --St Augustine, Confessions, X.IV Mother Teresa said her work with the poor and outcasts was possible because she saw the face of Jesus in everyone. Her 're-birth' happened, so perhaps her dryness, doubt and darkness were to keep her humble and maybe to deliver a message to 21st century Christians?

In the Christian tradition, the "dark night" can occur in anyone who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God. The trauma they experience when their traditional form of prayer become difficult and unrewarding, are akin to the abandonment Jesus expressed as he was dying on the cross when he quoted Psalm 22:1, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Matthew 27: 46

An individual experiencing the dark night of the soul will feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them, but in the spiritual realm, the dark night is believed by mystics to be a blessing in disguise; a refining and the ultimate testing of one's faith.

The spiritual journey lasts a lifetime and is all about change; awakening and evolving from an infant into a spiritually mature being. What many Christians refer to as their "born again" experience tends to be an emotional moment and often can be the very end of their maturation. Believing one has arrived, that one has been 'saved' neglects St. Paul's warning "to continue to work out your salvation in fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." -Philippians 2:12-13

The Hebrew prophet Micah illuminated, "What does God require? He has told you o'man! Be just, be merciful, and walk humbly with your Lord." -Micah 6:8

To paraphrase 1 Corinthians 3: 1-2; brothers and sisters, you are not yet spiritual, but mere infants in Christ. You have been fed with milk, not solid food, for you are still not ready for it.

Perhaps Mother Teresa's confessions of doubt in the midst of her perseverance and compassionate mercy to the least among us will lead to the spiritual growth for many, "because at times the en kindling of love in the spirit grows greater, the yearnings for God become so great in the soul that the very bones seem to be dried up by this thirst, and the natural powers to be fading away, and their warmth and strength to be perishing through the intensity of the thirst of love, for the soul feels that this thirst of love is a living thirst."- St. John of the Cross

Jesus promised that "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."-Matthew 5:6

But he never promised the spiritual life would be a walk in a rose garden.

I spoke today with El Cid about this...and we discussed the difficulties of finding balance with temporal holiness and spiritual. The tests are endless and the difficulties sometimes hard to traverse...however, the one thing we agreed on...is that this temporal plane...is not and easy one...but the inner self...the soul's search for God...is constant...and at times dark...for that is what we struggle with...that is the suffering of finding our spiritual selves.

What I do hope is that those "spiritual" people who like to use her name and image as an icon of love...understand...that this woman had little given to her in her life time...as she reveals here...

Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me? The Child of your Love—and now become as the most hated one—the one—You have thrown away as unwanted—unloved. I call, I cling, I want—and there is no One to answer—no One on Whom I can cling—no, No One.—Alone … Where is my Faith—even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness—My God—how painful is this unknown pain—I have no Faith—I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart—& make me suffer untold agony.

So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them—because of the blasphemy—If there be God —please forgive me—When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven—there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul.—I am told God loves me—and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?

—[By Mother Teresa]

Did she believe in God? She asked this..."Jesus has a very special love for you," she assured Van der Peet. "[But] as for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, — Listen and do not hear — the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak ... I want you to pray for me — that I let Him have [a] free hand."

Was she a social Worker?

The other side:







Here is the complex part of what is known...and what is not known.

How do we deal with it?

We do not make icons of virtue. Do we need to remember? Christ said it simply..."love each other." He did not say: "and when you do...become a celebrity and celebrate your giving...those who brag about being good or kind to the less fortunate most assuredly have found a way to market their spirituality and goodness...thank goodness there is a never ending supply of the needy...

So...I ask again...saint or social worker

I will leave it to you to decide....

Love,
The Lass

The world of love....and good things

It is always good to know that stories end well. They end well for people who truly deserve it. People of the heart I would say. People who have the good fortune to find happiness, family and the love of people who remain faithful...in the end.

It is a time to rejoice and be happy for those who find such things in life.

It is a true blessing from God.

These days people who I hold dear are finding love...have finally found it...and in that I am content...

So today is filled with God's joy and happiness for those I have known, or those I have known little. They came around to the side of light...and found something very special in their lives.

Marriage and the bonds that keep people together are important.

So...today I am wishing all the happy couples out there...a wonderful new life...and the joy only such fulfillment can bring.

Carpe Diem...

The Lass

The creator...neither serves nor rules...

One of the great movie speeches...and a question becomes a movement...Provocative thought...it always has appealed to me...

Roark's defense...

Thousands of years ago, the first man discovered how to make fire. He was probably burned at the stake he had taught his brothers to light, but he left them a gift they had not conceived, and he lifted darkness off the earth.

Throughout the centuries, there were men who took first steps down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision. The great creators -- the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors -- stood alone against the men of their time. Every new thought was opposed; every new invention was denounced. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered, and they paid. But they won.

No creator was prompted by a desire to please his brothers. His brothers hated the gift he offered.

His truth was his only motive.

His work was his only goal.

His work -- not those who used it.

His creation -- not the benefits others derived from it -- the creation which gave form to his truth.

He held his truth above all things and against all men. He went ahead whether others agreed with him or not, with his integrity as his only banner. He served nothing and no one. He lived for himself. And only by living for himself was he able to achieve the things which are the glory of mankind. Such is the nature of achievement. Man cannot survive except through his mind. He comes on earth unarmed. His brain is his only weapon. But the mind is an attribute of the individual. There is no such thing as a collective brain. The man who thinks must think and act on his own. The reasoning mind cannot work under any form of compulsion. It cannot be subordinated to the needs, opinions, or wishes of others. It is not an object of sacrifice.

The creator stands on his own judgment; the parasite follows the opinions of others.

The creator thinks; the parasite copies.

The creator produces; the parasite loots.

The creator's concern is the conquest of nature; the parasite's concern is the conquest of men.

The creator requires independence. He neither serves nor rules. He deals with men by free exchange and voluntary choice.

The parasite seeks power. He wants to bind all men together in common action and common slavery. He claims that man is only a tool for the use of others -- that he must think as they think, act as they act, and live in selfless, joyless servitude to any need but his own.

Look at history: Everything we have, every great achievement has come from the independent work of some independent mind. Every horror and destruction came from attempts to force men into a herd of brainless, soulless robots -- without personal rights, without person ambition, without will, hope, or dignity.

It is an ancient conflict. It has another name: "The individual against the collective."

Our country, the noblest country in the history of men, was based on the principle of individualism, the principle of man's "inalienable rights." It was a country where a man was free to seek his own happiness, to gain and produce, not to give up and renounce; to prosper, not to starve; to achieve, not to plunder; to hold as his highest possession a sense of his personal value, and as his highest virtue his self-respect.

Look at the results. That is what the collectivists are now asking you to destroy, as much of the earth has been destroyed.

I am an architect. I know what is to come by the principle on which it is built. We are approaching a world in which I cannot permit myself to live. My ideas are my property. They were taken from me by force, by breach of contract. No appeal was left to me.

It was believed that my work belonged to others, to do with as they pleased. They had a claim upon me without my consent -- that it was my duty to serve them without choice or reward.

Now you know why a dynamited Courtland. I designed Courtland. I made it possible. I destroyed it. I agreed to design it for the purpose of it seeing built as I wished. That was the price I set for my work. I was not paid. My building was disfigured at the whim of others who took all the benefits of my work and gave me nothing in return.

I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to one minute of my life, nor to any part of my energy, nor to any achievement of mine -- no matter who makes the claim!

It had to be said: The world is perishing from an orgy of self-sacrificing. I came here to be heard in the name of every man of independence still left in the world. I wanted to state my terms. I do not care to work or live on any others.

My terms are: A man's RIGHT to exist for his own sake.

Who spoke these words? A character in a book...The Fountainhead...the speech is one that I have read-re-read over the years...

I took a look down memory lane...a movie moment...and history is made. The individual against the collective..."The Borg." had not yet been born...



Although I don't agree with Ayn Rand's Objectivism...I would have to say...without a doubt, I have always been taken by this speech...partly because it is challenging the ideal of community first...and poses the real question...what motivates us to build cities...is it art? or function?...or is it as Roark claims....the individual vs. collectivism...so one might argue that every creative act is owned by the person who created it...Really? What would be the consequences of that reality?

Well...I will let you decide...me...I do have an opinion...that I will keep to myself.

Love,
The Lass

I am a fan...of a man named John...Adams that is...

It is no secret that I am a John Adams fan. Not that he was a great president...nope, actually he wasn't. So why am I a fan? Well, there is the man...and a lifetime of achievements...then there is the relationship with his wife, which...thank God, is revealed though a thousands of letters, then there is that little thing...independence...and although Jefferson may have penned it...Adams...gave light to it...forced it by will alone...

That is why I am looking forward to the new mini-series John Adams. There are no monuments to this man...no picture on the coin of the realm...but he is after all is said and done...the one person...who turned a tea party...into a revolution for independence...and the world would never be the same.

This farmer's son was brilliant, and persuasive. He was able to articulate with passion and fervor the thoughts of greatness...and that greatness was... he believed in us...a future of individuals living free lives...not for Happiness as Jefferson would coin...but as servants to each other...as he lived.

Here is John...at his best...



What the human heart believes the human heart divines...Commitment...sublime truth.

From a friend....a message

Hand in hand...word upon word...we are connected...so live as though it is your last breath...and if you do...your heart will open...to the message...one hand clapping...or as the Zen Master says...We shall see...we shall see.

Thanks...now I am sharing...

Love,
The Lass

a dungeon...a dragon...and a generation of geeks...

Now I have to admit I like role playing games. Don't tell me you never played...if so, then you missed out on something...but you probably are not a "geek".

There are many games that people love to play. The list is endless...truly endless. Card games, board game, games of chance...games of skill...but no other game that I know of...allowed the players to create a universe, for "geeks" like me.

Geek you say? Why of course. Geek was, and remains to many, an offensive term. It has been a stick with which to beat anybody who does not enjoy all of the cultural and social values of the majority. Anybody who had an interest in computers, science fiction, fantasy literature or collecting comics could be easily dismissed as a geek once upon a time.

And the key thing with the classic "geek" pastimes was that they were - except for the occasional convention - typically fairly solitary pursuits. Except...when they were playing...Dungeons and Dragons.

This game was launched in 1974...about the same time as the Tolkien's work was being read with almost a religious fervor on college campuses everywhere. I recall it was almost impossible to talk to anyone who did not know about the little Hobbit.

So much is this fantasy genre in our culture that in ET the game being played on that fateful night...was of course...Dungeons & Dragons. An icon...that we all recognized...there was a reason that Spielberg didn't have them playing Monopoly...

Even Political candidates are being viewed through the eye of a D&D veteran...read on..



While your friendly neighborhood Trivia Geek endeavors to remain publicly neutral on all issues political or controversial, I simply could not resist reposting (without editing or judgment) the three leading U.S. presidential candidates as they would appear in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons‘ Monster Manual, courtesy of British sci-fi author Charles Stross.

FREQUENCY: Very rare...John McCain
NO APPEARING: 1
ARMOUR CLASS: -7
MOVE: 3″ (72″ per flight sector on the campaign jet)
HIT DICE: 200 hit points (But first you have to defeat 4d8 Secret Service Agents)
% IN LAIR: 0%
TREASURE TYPE: All your NATO base are belong to us!
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Invades Iran. Takes 100d20 casualties in first strike while inflicting 20 x 100d20 civilian casualties. Followed by war of attrition, economic collapse, recrimination.
SPECIAL ATTACKS: 5% chance of 30,000 Megaton nuclear first strike on Upper Volta.
SPECIAL DEFENSES: +3 or better weapon to hit. In event of combat, 20% chance of heart attack per round, followed by the swearing in of President Santorum. You wouldn’t want that, would you?)
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 80% (10% vs. mind control spells by Cheney.)
INTELLIGENCE: Normal.
CHARISMA: 12 (16 to neocons)
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic evil if under control of Cheney; otherwise Chaotic neutral.
SIZE: M
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: X/29,950* (* for impeachment)

A huge, ancient, carnivorous dinosaur from the swamps at the heart of Republican country, not unlike Godzilla in appearance and wrinkled integument, McCain has seen better years. Nevertheless he can breathe fire and threaten to stomp flat the capital city of any country that Fox News disapproves of with the best of them.

The biggest danger in facing off against a McCain is that he might be under the mind control of the Svengali-like Cheney, Prince of Darkness. In this case, he is likely to be lethally aggressive and even more unpredictable than usual.

Image courtesy FreakingNews.comHilary Clinton (Demon Queen of Pork Belly Futures.) (Lesser Goddess.)
FREQUENCY: Very rare
NO APPEARING: 1
ARMOUR CLASS: -7 (But -4 if encountered in the same campaign as a Bill Clinton)
MOVE: 3″ (72″ per flight sector on the campaign jet)
HIT DICE: 200 hit points (But first you have to defeat 4d8 Secret Service Agents)
% IN LAIR: 0%
TREASURE TYPE: The future is … Pork!
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1 + 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: captures 2-16 superdelegates; 20% chance to cast Slime per round
SPECIAL ATTACKS: If sustaining damage, 33% chance per round of invoking Bill Clinton to fight alongside her. See also Big Dog.)
SPECIAL DEFENSES: +4 Fundraising, Regeneration, +3 or better weapon to hit.
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 80%
INTELLIGENCE: Genius
CHARISMA: 17 (Democrats)/ -1 (Republicans)
ALIGNMENT: Lawful Neutral (Will steal anything that’s not nailed down, especially if she can construe it as lawful appropriation. Depending on the meaning of the word “it”.)
SIZE: 14
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: X/12,250* (* for impeachment) As with all Clintons, Hillary exudes negative charisma towards Republicans. Otherwise, she’s a classic machine reptile.

Image courtesy of freaking news.comBarack Obama (Demon Prince of Upsetting Applecarts.) (Lesser God.)
FREQUENCY: Very rare
NO APPEARING: 1
ARMOUR CLASS:
MOVE: 3″ (72″ per flight sector on the campaign jet)
HIT DICE: 200 hit points (But first you have to defeat 4d8 Secret Service Agents — unless attacking in Texas, Florida, or other Republican-held states)
% IN LAIR: 0%
TREASURE TYPE: Budget Deficit: -500,000 million G.P. plus compound interest
NO. OF ATTACKS: 0 (He runs a clean campaign).
DAMAGE/ATTACK: Makes his opponents look foolish: -1 Charisma per round engaged in combat polite debate.
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Casts Mass Charm 1 per round engaged in combat polite debate.
SPECIAL DEFENSES: +5 Fundraising, Regeneration, +3 or better weapon to hit.
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 80%
INTELLIGENCE: Genius
CHARISMA: 18(100) (Democrats) / 12 (Republicans)
ALIGNMENT: Law Professor
SIZE: M
LEVEL/X.P. VALUE: X/89,950* (* for impeachment) Handsome, intelligent, charismatic, and he manages to sound absolutely wonderful … but how do you know what else is lurking under that sleek exterior? The Obama’s main advantage in combat is that he makes everyone else in the melee look absurdly aggressive or foolishly short-sighted, sapping their Charisma. Probably the lesser evil, so once you elect him you’ll have the luxury of knowing you’ve been eaten by the right lizard god.

So it is that when I heard the news of Gary Gygax death...I could only think...what happened to the healing spell? Where was his "healer"?

oh...and there is this...just a thank you...from




and a tribute...



Sweet dreams Gary...rest with all of the beloved characters you helped a generation play..."life points"...we all have them...

Love,

The Lass or should I say Ember...the monk...

a peacefull mind...and thinking with your heart

Years ago I had a friend who was dying in a little hospital room in Fairbanks Alaska. A veteran of the Vietnam War...and a former prisoner of that war. He was an older man when I met him. He had little of the vigor of the younger man he was...but something in him remained...intact. Something of the young boy he was...still came through every now and then...he had survived war...to return home to find his wife and child had long ago left him...to find another life.

One evening after I got to know him a little...he showed me a picture he kept in his wallet. Yellowed with age, this piece of history...his history...showed the tale of a man lost in time...long gone by. A woman and a child...his child...would forever be beyond his worldly claim. He never remarried...and never saw the child he helped bring into the world. His only connection to those he loved...a yellowed picture...

So...it was on a chilled evening, I sat holding this man's hand. Alone in a little room , waiting for time to expire...in his years of living. How odd it was, for me...to sit in a room with someone I hardly knew...not wanting to let go...of his frail hand.

His voice was low, his breathing shallow, but something in his eyes was still alive. I would read to him, talk to him...and be silent wit him. At one point, he opened his brilliant blue eyes...and smiled a smile of such serenity and peace. I asked, "are you in any pain?" "No", he answered. Then he said the most remarkable thing. "I am at peace, Diana." Peace? Here was a man...whose last breath would come soon, in a place far from home...whatever that place was...with a virtual stranger...no family, or close friends to see him on his final journey. But he was at peace. I asked him if he needed anything. No...he didn't...

Then he squeezed my hand gently...and asked me to contact his son. "Let him know I always loved him...he was always in my heart." That was when I realized...what peace he spoke of. He hadn't analyzed all of the things that had happened to him...he never questioned the fate of his life. He simply lived out his years,..accepting that which he could not change...and transcending the transgressions that came from war...loss, and more.

When he took his final breath...he was indeed at peace. A man of peace given the worse life can offer...whose heart remained clear...leading with it...and not his mind.

There are many paths our lives take...each road full of choice and chance. Sometimes we take the road we are meant to take...other times...we take the wrong one. But, there is something wonderful in the simple idea...that no matter which road we take, all roads lead to one...and in that final moment...I believe if we live with our hearts...we will find the peace of mind and soul, that gives meaning to all that came before.

Peace...a place for quiet landings...and loving reminders of just how precious life really is.

Tonight I remembered that little room, and my friend...and his graceful exit from the world that had been difficult...perhaps he knew in that final moment, that he would rest with the angels...or perhaps he had been resting with them...all along.

If you find yourself in a restless place...then think with your heart...the mind is a muddled thing..and not too attached to the soul...the heart, well it is not the cardio pump...it is the souls attachment to our little bodies...and the only thing, that makes us human after all.

Oh...and I did finally find his son...and told him what his father said. "I always knew he loved me...I could sense it..." See...living in the heart...is all that we need.

Love the lass