In each person's life...they must simply have a friend, who is...their beacon. Someone whose light shines so brightly that it actually illuminates other lives. That was my friend Bill. He taught me to play poker, pool...and attempted to teach me darts...I never caught on. We fished together and camped together. Bill introduced me to the world of 'field teamers" and a wild world it was. But Bill was more than just a friend...he was like a father or an older brother...who, would watch over me. Something I never really gave much thought to until he was gone...and then I realized just how important that was.

Bill, believed that given the "rules" in life, that we have to live well...but not all the same. He also believed that loyalty among friends and family...was paramount. Although Bill was an expert at almost everything he did...he was most expert in understanding people. Even the coldest heart could warm up to Bill...he was just that kind of guy.

I think of Bill almost daily. I speak to his wife as often as I can...and we like to tell "Bill" stories...to keep him alive in our hearts and memories. He is important even now.

One of the things most notable about Bill, was his complete honesty with me. He would generally make me feel good...but ever now and then...he observed something he didn't like. He didn't rebuke...but he made it known...that I had done something...he found out of character for me. And when he did...I knew...it was time to reflect...no words were needed...just an expression...and I would see...it was time to re-think something.

That ability to relate honestly without making the other person feel uncomfortable was never my strong suit. Sometimes I could be difficult, and I know that. I have worked on it over the years. I also know, that even when I am less than kind in word...I am also immediately sorry...for offense is never my desire...but I have I believe offended some...I know I have.

The thing about Bill's handling of delicate situations, was his ability to communicate just what was needed...to resolve the dispute...or to make you step back...and reassess...Bill would have made a great diplomat. Maybe the fact he was so well traveled was part of his art...he could speak several languages...and broke bread with people everywhere...and never...did he break the "house rules" as he put it.

Tonight I remembered something that I shared with another friend of mine a few months ago...something that Bill observed...about me. Not just about me....but I understood his meaning.

Bill pointed out that self sufficient people are great to depend on...reliable...true, and good in a crisis...but all that aside...they can also present a picture of someone who really doesn't need anything from anyone else. Which of course is wrong. But, I can see how that would be. And so, deftly, Bill broached this subject with me many years ago...with this one observation..."When the world seems unkind....you may want to consider turning to someone...and asking for their love." I thought immediately..."but that is being weak." But, then I remembered something else..."Christ asked for the apostles to help him once...he let people care for him...and he allowed people to show him that love...or not..." That is when I realized for the first time...that although a strong person can be needed...a stronger one...let's others know they are needed. A point I sometimes forget...and need to remind myself...

Bill's life was rich in many things...he was the strongest person I have ever met...but you know...why it was easy to love him? Because...I always felt he needed me...that was his gift.
I think the lessons we learn in life are very difficult...but with the Bill's of the world, there to help us...it is much easier.

Bill is so missed...and still so loved. The strongest man I know. A protector...a man of the world...needed the ones that loved him...and he let them know it.

One other thing Bill reminded me..."between a man and a woman...no matter how self sufficient the woman is...a man still wants to be needed...it is biology." You know...he was very right about that.

I shared this with my friend...when he was asking why people had a hard time loving him...or something like that I think he understood it...and maybe we all need to think about it. Even a woman...who can move to a new place with 2 suitcases and a dream...needs those she loves...to help her ...along the way...because she needs them...but is not needy of them...a difference I believe...and one that Bill would agree...makes all the difference in the world.

I spoke with Ruth tonight...about her Bill...and it always makes me feel better...knowing...he needed me too.

So...to all those mountain climbers...don't forget to let those who love you...love you...if you get my point...

Love,
The Lass

OH...and there is this...

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

C S Lewis...one of my favorites...

Standing inside the fire...one can get burned...but that is where I prefer to be...even having been burned...rejected...and rebuffed...I still tried....and that is all one can do...

I have never danced outside the fire...but being burned is part of the desire...so...Bill,...this is for you...I am still standing inside of the fire....I hope you are still in there with me..just in case I get burned..."

Love,
The Lass